Každý den vyrážím na svém čínském elektrokole vstříc rozhlasovým vlnám. Půlhodinka ve společnosti smogu, nepředvídatelných důchodců a pumpičkářů je sice adrenalinovější než rallye Dakar, ale kdo by si stěžoval, že?
Začátek každého velkého příběhu: naskočit a přežít
Každý den, nasedám na svůj čínský zázrak techniky zakoupený za cenu lepší večeře. Elektrokolo, které má víc za sebou než já pondělní směny, mě hrdě nese v ústrety rozhlasu. Cesta je to vlastně krátká – slabou půlhodinku. Pokud tedy přežiju.
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Nepřítel číslo jedna: auta a jejich „přátelští“ řidiči
Říkal někdo, že autoškoly učí bezpečný odstup? Haha. Každodenní realita je jiná: zpocená dlaň na volantu, noha na plynu a výraz „uhni, červe, překážíš mi ve svaté jízdě“! Předjíždějí mě s grácií chirurgického zákroku, kdy místo milimetrů mě dělí od kapoty maximálně… no, pocitová nula.
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🚴♂️Slalom mezi lidským faktorem
Na pardubických cyklochodnících platí jednoduchá pravidla: nemít žádná pravidla. Staří, mladí, maminky s kočárky, pejskaři s vodítky napnutými přes celou šířku, puberťáci hypnotizovaní TikTokem – a já mezi nimi jako Sisyfos na kole. Nejvíc mě baví, když jdoucí skupinky zaujmou tvar neprostupné zdi a hrají hru „kdo uhne první“. (Spoiler: nikdy to nejsou oni.)
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Pumpičkáři – tajní agenti chaosu
A pak tu máme je – pumpičkáře. Uniformovaní v cyklistických dresech, na kolech lehčích než moje snídaně. Každý jejich pohled říká: „Uhněte, prosím, nebo vás přejedu.“ Žádné cinknutí, žádné „pozor“, jen tichý průlet rychlostí, za kterou by se nestyděl ani stíhač. Překážet pumpičkáři? Konečná. Bez slitování. Oni můžou všude, červená ani značka STOP pro ně nejsou zeď. Naopak, jen se letmo rozhlédnou a frčí dál. Neohrožení na svých splašených trubkách.
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Smog – můj každodenní společník
Zatímco moje plíce bojují s návalem kyslíku obohaceného o ty nejlepší karcinogeny, já si říkám: je skvělé být venku! A přece – lepší než sedět v zácpě v autě a nasávat to z klimatizace. Takhle mám aspoň iluze o zdravém životním stylu. Ano, občas si tu kolonu v autě přetrpím taky, ale ten pocit, když projíždíte kolem té tlupy naštvaných řidičů, kteří vás propichují pohledem říkajícím: Jen počkej na přechodu! Máš smůlu blbečku!
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🚴♂️Finále: slavnostní vjezd (a příslib repete)
Po všech nástrahách, které mi pardubická ranní džungle nachystá, dorazím k rozhlasu s pocitem, že bych měl dostat medaili za statečnost. Nebo aspoň kyslíkovou masku. A pak? Stejná sranda nanovo při cestě zpátky jen po druhé straně a s jinými aktéry. Vždycky se těším, až ta pardubická džungle skončí a čeká mně už jenom pohoda mezi Dražkovicemi a Chrudimí s pár pumpičkami, co se občas chtějí prát a zamilovanými dvojicemi ploužícími se po hrbolaté cyklotrase z Medlešic na Chrudim.
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